Tears and smiles

Last night, as Mike and I were walking up the stairs to go to bed, I looked at my phone and oddly it reminded me that I have to work at 8:30am, instead of the usual 3:00pm. I got really upset because it was almost 11:30 at night, and if I had remembered earlier that I had to work in the morning, I would have gone to bed way earlier. So I went to wash my face and brush my teeth, but instead I went into the bathroom to cry. I was soooo upset! My sad feelings were more than knowing that I should have gone to bed earlier. I REALLY don't like working. 

It's not my job that I don't like, because it's not horrible. Being a bank teller is okay work, and I love the people I work with. I was crying because I realized that I'm not supposed to work for the rest of my life. I'm supposed to be a stay at home mom, and that's it. Mike is supposed to work and provide for the family. But right now, I'm barely working 25 hours a week, and Mike is unemployed. It's not supposed to be this way. I am meant to be a mother. 

I know it's not going to be this way forever, but for now, it's just not idyllic. I feel weird leaving Mike at home so I can "bring home the bacon." When we first got married, it was funny for a while that I was Mike's "Sugga Mama", but now it's not funny. It's been almost a year and I'm just not happy.

On a good note, I came home for lunch today, and there was a beautiful bouquet of flowers on the front door for me. I was almost brought to tears again because Mike is such a sweet man. He understands me and knows when I'm going through a hard time even when I don't tell him. 

Before I was home, I stopped at a grocery store to buy Mike a filled doughnut because they are his favorite. So he bought be flowers, and I bought him a doughnut. We love each other!